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Original Posting
In reply to "Women are more faithful than men" by shamy

lpc1998 - 10:21pm May 20, 2001 SGT (59.1.2.1.1.2.1.3.1.1)
They were more faithful in the past than now. ... Pg 1/2

You said:

“Thank you once again for a very enlightened reappraisal of marriage and divorce.Many people still believe that by 'nature' we are all polygamous.The Thais seem to take this with a smile but not every society can tolerate polygamy now ( not even the Mormons in Utah ). …...”
First of all, when I say, ‘people are by nature not monogamous’, I mean that people are by nature not predisposed to having one mate for all their lives. I do not mean that they are polygamous (being married to more than one person at the same time).

You are right to say that more societies nowadays do not tolerate polygamy, but they do allow divorce and re-marrying so that many in these societies still do have more than one mate in their lives. It is extremely cruel to mislead young people into thinking that societies with anti-polygamy laws are necessarily monogamous (having one mate for all their lives). People simply divorce their spouses and re-marrying again. Those who are conned are simply devastated, confused and bitter.

It is true that women are generally more faithful than men. However, they are getting less faithful when they are compared with their grandmothers or even their mothers because of their changing life-styles, social status and personal circumstances.

You said:

“….. I believe we should not use this 'natural instinct' to 'justify' married couples who committed adultery for some very selfish reasons.”
The phrase, ‘for some very selfish reasons’ is very emotional and tends to cloud the objective realities than to clarify them. We should use it with care. What is ‘natural instinct’ is a matter of fact. The inability to withstand it under certain circumstances has nothing to do with selfishness. It has more to do with inadequate defences or the overwhelming nature of the ‘natural instinct’.

Adultery is a ground for divorce and the ‘natural instinct’ is no justification for it. Married people who commit adultery may be divorced by their spouses with very unfavourable divorce terms.

You said:

“Whether it is natural or enforced by circumstances,adultery in whatever form is not justified.It should be condemned. …...”
Adultery is the act of sexual intercourse when it involves someone who is married and a person who is not married to him/her. General and popular condemnation of adultery has led to the increase in divorces. Is this what you want?

You said:

“….. It is still the number one cause of divorce.If a man wants to treasure his polygamous freedom, he should not settle down.And vice-versa.”
Adultery by itself does not cause divorce. It may be caused by the reaction of the spouse to the adultery. A man and his girlfriend may hope or believe that they can be monogamous, but events can subsequently prove one or both of them wrong. It is not a matter of treasuring ‘polygamous freedom’. It is a biological or psychological problem of controlling the libido. Failing to understand the true nature of the problem will lead to wrong solutions or complacency with disastrous consequences.

You said:

“Like you said, marraige is a commitment.BOTH partners must work hard to strive to keep the marriage intact.It is unnatural,but to keep the partnership intact requires alot of personal sacrifices,tolerance,understanding and trust.And I believe unless a couple is prepared to do so,it is better for them to stay single.Marriage makes demands on each other and unless a couple really understands the stresses and strains,it is going to be a disastrous partnership.”
Over-emphasis on commitments and obligations breeds resentments, self-righteousness, unhappiness and complacency, which are poisonous to the marriage, and eventually kills it. Marriage as the mutual choice of the partners is both stable and meaningful. People who want to stay married will find their way to keep their marriage going.

To be continued ... Pg 2/2

lpc1998 - 10:31pm May 20, 2001 SGT (59.1.2.1.1.2.1.3.1.1.1)
They were more faithful in the past than now. ... Pg 2/2

You said:

“And for those who had traumatic experiences and survived the crises and saved their marriages, I salute them.Even though there are cracks in the porcelain,it is still intact nevertheless.”
Marriages that survive traumatic experiences and the crises are strengthened by such experiences and the crises. They add more layers of meanings to the marriages. Marriages that fail to survive such traumatic experiences and the crises are often like empty seashells on the seashore. Beautiful and solid on the outside, but the life in it has long been gone. The worst among them lies in ruin.

Best Regards

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