In reply to "The Law of Freedom of Choice" by lpc1998
shamy - 02:52pm May 16, 2001 SGT (126.96.36.199.1.1)
To [pc1998],profound ,very profound observations
I must confess that your thesis on marriage and divorce is one of the best that I've read.And I believe very strongly that no one can write with such confidence and clarity of thoughts unless with a wealth of matrimonial experiences behind him.
I agree with you that both partners in a marriage must work hard to keep the marriage . A wife who drops her vigilance and gives ample opportunities for her husband to encounter a fling is also responsible for co-creating an unhappy marriage.And vice-versa. Adultery is also co-created by both partners.
My friend went to China on an assignment.He had a beautiful Chinese tutor to teach him Mandarin.They ended up as lovers.His wife was the last person to know.And when she discovered that her husband was having an affair, she stuck to her husband like glue.She forgave him.Blamed herself partly for the unfortunate affair.And they stayed married - in fact, more loving now than ever before.
But how many wives will partly blame themselves for their husbands' unfaithfulness ? It takes alot of introspection and maturity to really understand the social dynamics of adultery.And in this fast-paced modern world, the woman can also be the charming adulteress.A husband who is not vigilant and who is indifferent to the crying needs of his wife will also face similar problems.
Divorces are on the rise.After five to 7 years ? Staying married together and appreciate the 'returning home' of your spouse at the end of the day is a wonderful feeling.And [pc1998],you put it very nicely for all the readers here in STI chat.The analogy is very touching - your spouse being the most prized possesion and the love you described for your spouse is very very profound -and very 'cheam'.
And that feeling of emptiness when kids have grown up is also another co-factor in an unhappy marriage.In fact, many studies have shown that couples who cherish each other during this twilight phase are falling in love all over again - with greater passion than before. And they enjoy better sex than their atheletic years.My good Prof2 Gong will not agree to it certainly.
Anyway,thank you [pc1998] for a very insightful and enlightening dissection of married life and I hope readers will gain immensely after reading all these very interesting postings.