Original Posting: 05 April 2004 Monday 1630 hrs Singapore
Some of the ways by which marriages are destroyed
The abuse of love by the object of the love is one of the most potent ways to destroy a relationship, especially marriages where there is a vow of life long commitments under all circumstances with penalties extending beyond this life to eternity. Where getting married and staying married is by mutual choice, such a vow is superfluous and unnecessary. Where staying married is obviously going to be very strenuous or painful especially in cases where deceit, coercion, cheating, bribery, inducement, etc, are involved, such a vow is of paramount importance to keeping the marriage socially and religiously intact.
Love is often being abused, whether knowingly or unknowingly, purposely or otherwise:
In this posting, words importing the masculine gender only shall include the feminine gender and vice versa as the case may require.
- by behaving like a rich man’s spoilt kid, nagging incessantly, finding faults purposely, complaining ceaselessly of everything and anything, putting all blames real or imagined on the spouse, and holding the him responsible for anything that goes wrong.
- by being as unreasonable as possible and subscribing to superstition and the fear of the unknown, to vanity, harmful dreams and expectations, and the various popular mythologies, these being the best selling products of the Misery Industry which encourages people directly or indirectly to treat reason as the number one enemy of life now and hereinafter and to kill it every time it sprouts from the conscience.
- by being intolerant of the spouse, intolerant of his needs and habits. Every thing in the house must be in its proper place and position as one would have it and in compliance with one's needs and taste oblivious of the needs of the spouse, from the living room to the bedroom to the bathrooms. The spouse must be as silent as a statue so as not to disturb one’s sleep or rest in any way, the word ‘compromise’ has long since been erased from the vocabulary.
- by being dismissive of any display of love and concern by the spouse. When the spouse puts his hand on one’s shoulder, immediately complain to him that his hand is too heavy. If he tries to put his hand around one’s waist, push him away telling him that one is feeling very hot or that he is very smelly or that one’s make-up for the enjoyment of other men is in jeopardy.
- by showing him contempt privately and publicly,
- by showing him one’s dislike for him, by embarrassing him publicly and privately and by reminding him that he is good for nothing at every opportunity.
- by making incessant demands for oneself or for someone else especially like the children; by treating the spouse like a slave with one as the slave-driver ensuring all that need to be done, both big and little things, is done by the spouse. One’s function in the home is strictly supervisory only. Or better still by treating and making the spouse feel himself to be worse than a slave. A slave is provided with food and lodging for having the work done whereas a spouse has to find not only his own food and lodging but also those of his family and has to pay for what is being done.
- by treating the spouse like a private property without any feelings or an object without needs. This is often done by denying him any space or association both outside and inside the home and the extended family.
- by questioning every act or movement of the spouse like a suspected thief being interrogated by the police investigators.
- by removing the pillars of marriage, one by one, to ensure it does not work. By making sure that there is no cooperation or division of labour in the family and that the family cannot function in the immediate, medium or long term.
- by ensuring that the spouse has no peace in the home, doing everything possible to drive him out every time he dares to return home. By showing him the most ugly face or side one can manage and by doing everything possible to ensure that he succumbs to temptations outside.
- by buying the propaganda sold by the Misery Industry, by being a Misery Generator flooding the home with misery and by being a devotee to the Misery Industry. One of the most bought and popular propaganda of the Misery Industry is that marriage necessarily means bitter and painful commitments, obligations or duties, first to the children, if any, and then to the spouse with happiness, enjoyment and self-fulfilment only like the icing on the cake and with life itself being a long, cold, cruel, painful and senseless journey to nothingness or in the hope for extremely vague heavenly joys. Marriage may be anything, but couple-centric.